By Laura Henry

Are you thinking about trying BDSM and not sure where to start? If you’re curious about how BDSM could enhance or transform your intimate experiences you can start with a simple experiment that features a few techniques before committing to a full dungeon room. Most BDSM is psychological, and there are some scenes you can try with various household items to decide whether it’s right for you. 

Are you ready to find out whether your BDSM fantasies will hold up in real life? Check out some BDSM safety tips and techniques from the experts before getting started.

1. Safety tip: Talk about interests and boundaries with your partner

BDSM should always be a consensual power exchange. That means talking with your partner about the different parts of BDSM that interest you. 

What excites you? What makes you uncomfortable? What should your safe word be to ensure you feel safe throughout your exploration? You should agree about what you like and dislike beforehand to ensure the best possible experience. Some people like biting, hitting, and hair-pulling, while others are more interested in restraint or sensory deprivation.

It is the submissive partner’s responsibility to speak up about what’s fair game during play and the dominant partner’s responsibility to respect the sub’s limits. Even after you’ve been experimenting with BDSM for a while, you should always discuss new additions beforehand.

2. Safety tip: Buy the right tools for BDSM

You don’t have to buy anything for BDSM, but if you’re interested in scenes that involve specialized materials, like candles, you should use items designed for sex play. When it comes to rope and candles, sex toy stores are the best place to find the safest items for your most intimate moments.

Please note: candle wax for BDSM is completely different from the candles you use to light up a room! Candles from the grocery store have wax that will be hotter and can burn when drizzled on the body. Use massage candles designed for sex to ensure a safe temperature.

3. Safety tip: Start with user-friendly restraints

While bondage is well known for using ropes and ties during erotic activities, it’s too easy to cut off circulation or create discomfort if you don’t know what you’re doing. The best way to avoid accidents with rope is to start with more user-friendly restraints. 

Handcuffs or velcro cuffs are the ideal choice here! They may not be as versatile as rope, but you don’t have to worry about your tying skills. Undoing cuffs is also quicker and easier than rope if your partner ever decides they need a break.

There are tons of cuff options for beginners and advanced BDSM enjoyers alike! Discover solo cuffs for the ankles or wrists, as well as connected cuffs for wrists and neck, hogtie cuffs, and even ball gag cuffs.

4. Scene recommendation: Test out some dirty talk

Talking dirty is a good starting point for any submissive that likes to be reprimanded. Ask your partner to talk dirty to you, letting them know which BDSM themes turn you on. You can also use dirty talk as a submissive to give your dom cues about your fantasies. 

With dirty talk, you have the flexibility to explore fantasies verbally before trying them physically.

5. Scene recommendation: Play a role

Role-playing is another simple way to ease into BDSM. It allows you to take on a persona instead of creating your own. You can try some classic power dynamics, like teacher and student, boss and secretary, or doctor and patient. 

Try dressing up to get into character and liberate your desires.

6. Scene recommendation: Add a blindfold

Sensory deprivation is a great way to build tension during intimate activities. You can temporarily subtract your vision to heighten your other senses. When you have a blindfold on, every whisper in your ear or touch of a finger can be more exciting.

You can also use nearly anything for a blindfold, including a tie, sleeping mask, or the silk tie from a bathrobe.

7. Scene recommendation: Try out orgasm control

Orgasm control, also known as edging, is when you bring someone to the brink of orgasm and then stop the stimulation. You repeat these actions as often as you desire before finally allowing for orgasm. 

Delayed gratification is one tool that can make the end reward much sweeter and give one partner more control.

8. Scene recommendation: Learning the ropes

Since restraint is the basis of many BDSM scenes, you may eventually want to learn how to use ropes. 

Books are a great resource here, especially if you want to get fancy. They can teach you basic knot-tying techniques to practice before getting into a session for real. You’ll also find books that have recommendations to ensure safety, like how to lay the rope against your partner’s skin. 

You should also keep scissors around to cut your partner out of the ropes in case the knots get stuck, or they need a break.

Final Thoughts

BDSM can be simple, like dirty talk and roleplay with whatever household items you have available, or it can be complex, allowing you to explore a variety of accessories, toys, and costumes from sex stores. 

Take the first step and talk to your partner about BDSM, deciding together where you should start! (Showing your partner the Catcall-approved foreplay toy list is a great way to start the conversation.)

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