By The Catcall Team

Here at Catcall, 100% of our regular staff members identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community, a statistic that makes us proud af. From bi- and pan-sexuals to trans folks and lesbians, we’ve all had unique queer experiences—and learned a lot along the way. 

Here’s the thing: whether you come out loud and proud or subtly tell the world you’re queer, people will react—sometimes in the best of ways, sometimes in the most hurtful of ways. 

If you’re exploring your queer identity, you probably have a lot of questions—general curiosities, hesitations, and fears—that we might know a thing or two about as a collective. 

We’ve decided to jot down what we wish we had been told before we came out. We love a prepared girlie, boi, or pal, and we’re hopeful this helps any budding queers looking for community. 

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Coming out is always on your schedule. I came out to friends over a year before I came out to family. That’s what worked for me—and you get to decide what works best for you. – Kelcie McKenney

There’s no rush to the process! Come out on your own timeline. – Sophia-Joelle McDowell

If you come out as bi, people will ask you if you’re in an open relationship—even if you’re married. – Emily Laptad

If you come out as bi after you’ve married a man, people will question if you’re really bi. – Emily Laptad

The same goes for if you come out as pan. If you’re dating or marry a man, people will question if you’re really pan. They may even call it a phase… ew. – Sophia-Joelle McDowell

Trans and nonbinary people can still have families, carry babies, and be parents and it doesn’t invalidate your gender identity. – Max Sheffield

No matter how your experience turns out, it’s completely valid. – Sophia-Joelle McDowell

When I came out as bisexual, I felt I needed to dress a certain way to be perceived as queer. And while I do dress loudly now, as I’ve gotten more comfortable in my identity I’ve realized I was just as gay when I came out as I am now. What I wear doesn’t define my identity, it just adds to it. – Kelcie McKenney

Do not stress out about passing as trans, because the world is binary. You’ll never pass as a non-binary person. Just wear whatever you damn please. – Max Sheffield 

If you’re loud and proud, you might be asked in a job interview how you keep your “politics” separate from the company, which is “apolitical.” – Emily Laptad

There’s no right way to be queer. As a bisexual woman in a hetero-presenting relationship, sometimes I felt I wasn’t queer enough to be in queer spaces. That’s bull shit. Everyone is welcome in the queer community, and you will find people who believe that. – Kelcie McKenney

Your queerness should feel authentic to you, and you can take however long you need to figure that out. – Ayanna Smith 

Being genderfluid means being whatever gender makes the joke funnier. – Max Sheffield

You will develop Gaydar—there’s lots of queer coding spelled throughout the world, and it takes one to know one. – Emily Laptad

You may have to be your own biggest ally, at least for a little while, and that’s okay. You’ll find your people someday. – Sophia-Joelle McDowell

The legal name change process begins at the court order, it does not end there. Just be prepared for there to be barriers in place that wouldn’t be a big deal if you were cis. – Max Sheffield

I’m bisexual in a relationship with a cis-man that is queer, though we’re hetero-presenting. Instead of falling into any internal bi-erasure, I validate myself a lot by knowing that if my partner was in any different identity or body I would still love my person. I think about my identity as the people around me and the love I have for them would transcend any identity or gender. – Maddy Best

You don’t need to have a big speech planned to come out. – Sophia-Joelle McDowell

The queer community is accepting and loving. You will find friends who see you and support you. – Kelcie McKenney

It’s okay to cut people out of your life that don’t respect you, including family. It may not be easy, but it all works out in time. – Sophia-Joelle McDowell

The people that get it, the people that don’t, don’t. – Max Sheffield

Your major life milestones will look different than others, and that’s ok. – Ayanna Smith 

There can be a lot of stress built up before you come out for the first time, but you’ll be coming out for the rest of your life. Embrace the feeling. It gets easier! – Sophia-Joelle McDowell

Even though I’m in a relationship with a man, I don’t invalidate myself or erase my queer identity. – Maddy Best

Your queerness is a journey, and you are allowed to change as you grow and expand. – Ayanna Smith 

Lavender lattes really do taste like queer joy. – Kelcie McKenney

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By The Catcall Team. Check us out on our About Us page.